Sunday Funnies: Tinytown Twosies

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TinyTownTimes presents: TinyTown Twos
 

Parent Wants Tiny Town Football Team to Adopt More Peaceful Name

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AGGRESSION HERE: (Photo right) The Ithaca Tompkins County Aggression football team hold a chicken BBQ fundraiser in August. At least one local parent thinks their name is too violent and bad for The Children. 

TINY TOWN, USA – There is something wrong with the Ithaca Tompkins County Semi-Pro Football team, says a Tiny Town parent. It's not the green uniforms, or the fact that they haven't secured a home field as of earlier this month.

It's their name.

"They call themselves the ITC Aggression," says Jules Piffleton, adjunct instructor of human development and a member of Tiny Town's Alternatives to Violence Mens Circle and anger management counselor. "Aggression refers to behavior between members of the same species that is intended to cause pain or harm. We think that inappropriate even in a sport like football."

The ITC Aggression is the first semi-pro football team to assemble here in more than a decade. They are affiliated with the North American Football League (NAFL) an 11-year old organization based in Eden Prairie, MN. 

According to the Aggression's promotional materials, obtained at a BBQ chicken fundraiser on Bill Lower's lot at the corners of W. Clinton and Meadow Streets earlier this month, the group of 30-plus players and coaches are: "A first year team trying to get on our feet and make positive things happen for many people on our roster ... Our goal is to help individuals reach their potential on the playing field and to serve as a positive role model for the community."  

Sounds like good, clean fun even if the injury rate is 100 percent.

But Mr. Piffleton, a father of two, is more concerned with how the name with effect "the children." From wars to Wall Street to online poker and the really rad computer sport Grand Theft Auto, Piffleton says the children are being saturated with violence. 

"There is enough hostility and aggression in the world and the children pick up on it," he says. "Do we really need it in the name of a team that represents Ithaca?"

football 2Mr. Piffleton and his group have come up with more than a dozen alternative names for the team: The ITC Greens (no need to change color of uniform); The ITC Conifers (again, no need to change colors); The ITC Pajamas; The ITC People; The ITC Assertion; The ITC Makepeace; The ITC Golden Retrievers; The ITC Cats; The ITC Planets; The ITC Sprinkles; The ITC Sciences; The ITC Bugs ... and some others.

The editors here disagree with Mr. Piffleton's concerns about the team's potential impact on The Children. It is in fact a perfect descriptor for the actions, intentions and behavior of any self-respecting football team.

Our concern is more practical. While "aggression" is a noun that lacks "particularity" as one TTT reader put it. In addition, it is singular and does not convert to pluralization. Moreover, what kind of mascot will they have? A big green ... what? Surely if it is a big green Aggression it will frighten The Children. 

Furthermore they have chosen the color green, which is synonymous with eco-peaceniks, prairie fairies and political groups associated with Marxists. While the New York Jets are green, too, as well the Philly Eagles, they are plural and particular things. It puts undo pressure on a player to say "I play for the Aggression." It leads to questions not related to the sport. 

Despite these quibbles, we applaud the ITC Aggression for breaking new ground in sports logisms. Kudos to the chef as well. The BBQ chicken dinner was excellent and the cole slaw unusually good for such a venue.

–– C. Penbroke Handy 

 

 

Last Updated on Saturday, 22 August 2009 17:30
 

Dark Shadows: Is Tiny Town Charter School to Become Home for Theosophic Studies?

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clinton house

←BLAVATSKY SKYLINE:  We ask you again: Could the future home of the New Roots Charter School become a center for Theosophic Studies? 

TINY TOWN EXCLUSIVE, USA –– Rumors that the New Roots Charter School soon to open in the Clinton House will become a center for child-Theosophists remain unconfirmed. The Clinton House, one of the only former brothels remaining in New York, is still full of lawyers and therapists today.

TTT's spiritualist unit attended a seance recently with New Roots organizers at the Clinton House where the spirit of Madame Blavatsky was invoked (she rendezvoused with many a lost soul there in 1875), and for 10 straight minutes our reporter states:

"There was strange and mournful flute music emanating from the second floor men's toilet and someone scratched a note to the plumber. This moily dirge was interrupted by the sound of doors opening and closing and then we heard the opening tones to The Good, The Bad and The Ugly and I realized I'd forgotten to put my cell on mute."

That wasn't all.

"Then, I swear on a stack of Darwin's Origins, the twin specters of Hiram Corson and Madame Blavatsky appeared above the card table upon which the Ouiji board needle was a-quivering on the letters "ICU." "

Corson and Blavatsky of course were hip to hip back in 1875 when the overstuffed pair hooked-up to divine the essence of reality and a homelier couple proved difficult to conjure.

 ←TICKETS PLEASE:  Blavatsky and Corson (wearing a woodchuck to disguise himself) taking bets on a Big Red football match -- one of the very first -- against Harvard. Harvard won and the duo split the jackpot. 

Corson of course is one of the founding fathers of EDUCorp, which was originally conceived by Ebeneezer Cornell as a "place where any charlatan could pursue any crackpot notion that occurred to them ..."

Blavatsky came to EDUCorp in 1872 initially to study home economics. After she mastered pies, she moved onto cakes and to this day is remembered for her Cornell bread and the marinade for Cornell chicken, later adapted by the Baker Boys and now famous at the New York State Fair.

Blavatsky also was known for conjuring all kinds of spooky things and saved the game of baseball by convincing Abner Doubleday that the baseball diamond was a mystical Masonic symbol and ought never be changed (Doubleday had considered adding a 4th base).

After Nicolai Tesla spurned her love advances, she inspired Edison to invent the waffle iron, one of his biggest hits after the light bulb. 

Back to our reporter:

"As Corson's image dissolved into a chaotic jigsaw of swirling rasters, his mumblings became inaudible while Blavatsky's accent, thick as Black Sea caviar,  implored those present to include in the New Roots standard syllabi the fundamentals of Theosophy which she then outlined ... I also recall her saying that 'By Isis and Osiris I pray thee to commit Ralph Waldo Emerson's essays as required texts and also posthumously elect him to the Rotary' ... She closed by asking if a street might be named after her earthly form." 

Madame Blavatsky Boulevard? We like it!

Finally:

"The seance ended with a blinding light and the roar and whine of a horrible engine that turned out to be a wet-vac operated by the evening custodian who didn't know we were not to be disturbed."

We ask a third time: Will New Roots Charter School become an institute for theosophical study? More shall be revealed.

–– C. Penbroke Handy

 

 

Last Updated on Saturday, 22 August 2009 11:15
 

The Fleeting Forms of August

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All photos by Frankie14850 Copyright All rights reserved

To see other work by this photographer visit http://www.flickr.com/photos/frankie14850/

Last Updated on Friday, 21 August 2009 12:11
 


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