Home General Assignment Tendering Tiny Town Sunday, Oct. 6, 2013

Tendering Tiny Town Sunday, Oct. 6, 2013

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Perhaps the government siesta and this Virginia weather is to blame for the scads of huddled masses yearning to breed freely here in Tiny Town during Apple Harvest Festicle. Damned few farmers marched their produce into the midst of Tiny Town's latest display of its private parts. Yes, it was good to know Littletree Orchards is bouncing back from last year's hellish yield. We are happy that a few deserving local vendors pocketed enough for rent/mortgage through year's end. But it was not a festival, okay? It was a big fat pain in the ass. We hope someone made money off it.

Otherwise observed:

• Maple tar spot has had its way with a number of the arboreal displays inhabiting Tiny Town's "urban forest canopy."

• A rather harsh and debilitating cold bug imported from one of many transient vector sites got into the withers of numerous permanent residents, delaying flu shots and spiking tissue sales.

• The early dark didn't put a damper on desperate street vendors Oct. 4, and Kenny had to throw the switch at 7:02 p.m., to the chagrin of many doling out the sticky bits of their hotpots full of victuals. Confronting the evil-doer, we learned that "lights-out" was actually 6 p.m. Kenny will have to be shot, even so.

• Police patrols unlike any seen since no-one-gave-a-shit-about-downtown were in full swagger on Gallery Night, Oct. 4. Good to see them again.

• The obituary of our local paper of record logged several important deaths, including that of a man holding a fish, also dead.

• Local Blue Jays marked their exuberant return to full autonomy following the exodus of grackles and starlings. Where are the crows?

• A report of autumn peepers arrived from outside city limits. These tiny frogs are analogous to the spring peepers, whose calls are exultant. The autumn peeper is instead, a Cassandra of sorts, vying for its spot in the muck after a quick mating, then digging deep into the silty bottom of a pond far away.
• This week marked a "bum's holiday" formerly referred to as Indian Summer. Those bums who do not suffer from ragweed and mold allergies spent many a lazy bones hour snoozing in the warm autumnal sun as if riding off a caboose full of Red Cat.

• An irritating form of pop-up malware was traced to Google Chrome's World Clocks extension. Caveat emptor.

• A man crossing the street recognized someone he sees all the time and was unsure whether or not to acknowledge the other or to keep to himself. He did neither and neither did the other leaving them both to wonder if they had found a third way of greeting-not-greeting.

Complied by Anon.

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Last Updated on Sunday, 06 October 2013 15:22  

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