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Tiny Town Continues to Burn, Just like We Said It Would

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Greetings, Ithacan-Americans.

A lot has changed since we first posted this "Mission Statement"  back in 2009 when Obama was just a little bitty baby President and the Lehigh Valley House, Micawbers and the Royal Palm Tavern were still in business. As bars. Now Castaways is ... cast away.

Me? I quit drinking in 2008. But I miss the signs. 

Other changes since 2009: Caroline a.k.a Hydrilla Monster Peterson is out of the mayor's office and Svante Myrick is Hizzoner.  Gone too in the past three years: Sentimental retail department stores like Kmart. The Lost Dog morphed into Delilah's and is now a packing and shipping facility called Lot10.The New Roots Charter School rudely budged its way into semi-permanence and shoved a music class, lacking any acoustic paneling, next to a retail store downtown. Ask the owner of Blue Bird Antiques how she feels about "twinkle twinkle"; too, John Novarr decided "enough with history" and expanded his Real Estate Mogul's dossier to include the desecration of upper East State Street. Jason Fane never changed and neither has his henchmen John "The Swindler" Yengo. Bye-Bye Kulture Shock.


We applaud new arrivals like the Green Street Pharmacy and Soda Fountain, locally owned and operated. Yay. Other news blogs and sites have popped up, namely The Ithaca Post and The Ithaca Independent. Whether they have come and gone I cannot tell you: We try not to read the news. Kudos to Ithaca.com for keeping ahead of things that make Ithaca seem like a postcard mailed from the Chamber Pot of Commerce. 

Ithaca Guns is gone, but its chimney still holds. It has been rumored that The Chinese Government bought out our water treatment system and is holding Cornell hostage with threats to auction off its non-profit public properties. A nutria was spotted scootching along Monkey Run Trail.The Liberty Hyde Bailey Hortatorium died an undignified death – a demise that had direct consequences on the Royal Palm Tavern, as the dive was named after Bailey's fine collection of said palm. 

People have died. Loved ones, strangers and friends alike. Beat the drums slowly, and play the pipes lowly, for each.

Meanwhile, scads of 20-and 30-something dual earner couples and same sex couples continue to call this place home and of course, what does a baby need but a doggie?  

Even the AARP Magazine jumped on the bandwagon for making this a town only the 10 percenters can afford to retire in. 

Our original mission, too, is modified: We promised to avoid local politics. Lie!  I do believe we have provided half-truths, approximate forecasts and slander. But we've failed to provide jail menus, regular tattoo tallies, a running list of irresponsible landlords and their equally sketchy tenants. Tiny Fiction continues as do reports from the permanent underclass pavilions on the commons, actual news from real reporters besides myself, existential jabs at the EDuCorp East and South, unheard of wonders, tiny history, dead people (we dearly miss Peter Potenza and Louis and Bill, Men of the Streets, freaks, morons, funny people, real artists, graffiti critics, false alarms, rumors, gossip, innuendo ... and lots of pretty pictures).

Who among you foresaw Davey Weathercock's (Now Collectible) Weather Reports with Olive the Weather Hen? Or that Bobo and Ike would come along and fill in, seasonally it seems. How about that thrilling moment when Chad Coles took out Mercury Bay Shore with a fentanyl dart? Or the surrealism of Jerry Drolewski performing White Rabbit as police and EMTs attended to a junkie who flamed out on The Commons? 

Are we a Tiny Tabloid? Nope. We're a blog. But we have provided REAL NEWS -- breaking news, the like of which you will not find in that bit of corporate pulp fiction dangled from the short and curlies by the evil empire of GANNETT ... No insult to the fine frontline staff at IJ who do their best. 

What we have delivered is self-evident: Pretty pictures and slideshows, Adam Perl's Tinytown Teasers, Cop Reports and Aesop Cop – which became a book and sales could use a boost; absolute absurdity with Uncle Bodie and those lovable figments Big Huge and Little Tiny; funky folk who cannot go unnoticed, obituaries, sometimes in the form of slideshows. Life~!

Our efforts to create a true tiny town musical have been ... spotty. 

We expanded our reach to include "all tiny towns everywhere" and still wait for that special moment when we hit the big time and arrive in the next publication of "Being Local." Apparently, we didn't get the memo about this bit of elitist PR. 

Which can only mean one thing folks: We are doing it Right! 

Have we effed it up or just been plain stupid at times? Yes. I'm not a reliable narrator and some days the iron is hot but sense of critical distance and irony is not. Thanks to those who called us out when our logic was soft and floppy.  

Whatever. It's May 2012. We're still here, in a way. And Dear Ithacan-Americans, that means we are here for you. 

Contact us at TinyTownTimes.com

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Last Updated on Saturday, 26 May 2012 13:29  

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