Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Bowl in Here

Sunday, 19 July 2009 11:32 administrator
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bowl 1 bowl 2 bowl 3

TINY TOWN, USA –– At some point in the last copula years bowling in Tiny Town became a sport for nocturnal animals. On Saturday night the TTT.com sports writer joined a buddy for a deuce of frames at the legendary Bowl O Drome, scene of Mickey Dooley's amazing streak of three consecutive 300 games back in '81. 

Entering the place, the first thing the reporter noticed was that he couldn't see anything. Next, there was an experience he described as a "flashback to the 1970s, with disco lights and blacklit back splashes down the other end of the alley." The reporter reported a sense of "bad, real bad, deja vu, minus the strawberry dupe."

The next shock came at the counter. That the proprietor was Indian, possibly Pakistani, seemed natural enough, given that bowling was conceived on the subcontinent. But 20 bucks for 2 measly frames with a friend albeit shoes included, hurt. 

Adjusting to the dimly lit interior, the reporter was surprised to find many people of color had take up the passtime. At least they looked like people of color. But who could tell under those lighting conditions? The reporter himself noticed his own pigment was transformed to "a Sherwin Williams shade of Marvel Comics purple."

The games began. For every spare, an image appeared on the score-keeper's screen, an image of a shirtless corpulent man in swimming goggles whose cavernous pighole of a naval was large enough to insert ... well, a bowling bowl.

The foul line had an electronic sensor that automatically fucked up the game and completely deprived players of the chance to argue.

The reporter played two full games but could take no more. His total score for the both a miserable 160. 

"The last time I went bowling, I remember being able to see the pins, even though they were all the way at the end of the alley," the reporter said. "Next time, I think I'll bring a spotlight, Day-Glo clothing and spelunking gear."

On a positive note, the reporter said the bowling shoes were quite stylish with a brand name he's never heard of before called "Ren-Tal."

–– C. Penbroke Handy



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Last Updated on Wednesday, 29 July 2009 13:45